段貞夙  老師 (Susan)    

 
Think 聞思札記
 

* New!「善待」童年 
Be Kind to Childhood 2018.10
* New!歐蘭朵FB粉絲專頁開張囉!
Orland FB Fan Page was created!  2018.07
* New! 但願無有遺憾
Wish there is no regret 
2018.07
* 宇宙之愛---能量的共振
The love of universe---The energy resonance 
2018.4
* 南臺灣的一天 2017.7
The day in the southern Taiwan
* 找出潛意識裡的 Bug  2017.7
Finding out the bug in the sub-consciousness
* 一直拍照、走路發呆或頑皮的慢遊    2017. 2
                   Taking pictures, walking, dazing  or naughty   in  tour

* 森林之旅  2017.2
    Forest, I am coming! 
*  一年了---久違!好久沒放文章  2017.1
*  春天午後河濱2016.4
*  上<史記>第一堂課後的隨想2016.3
*  利他之行 2016.2
*  外境是內心的反射2015.12.30
* 回到自由的靈魂2015.7.14
* 河的前世今生2015.7.14
* 靜止中的無限2015.7.15
* 與大自然共存2015.7.15
* 生活就像一粒粒葡萄(Life Impression : Life as a bunch of grapes)
* 幻覺中的奮力---電影"啟動原始碼" "全面啟動"
* 印度光影拼圖---電影"貧民百萬富翁"
* 動物書1---<重逢在世界的盡頭>
* 動物書2---<永遠的信天翁>
* 重返大海之謎--- "水中蛟龍"展覽
* 藝術界裡的佛洛伊德---安迪沃荷作品展

 
 

 *New! 但願無有遺憾
Wish there is no regret

自從五月開了歐蘭朵的粉絲專頁,每周都要產出一篇文字。

但因為FB的屬性,寫在FB的文字必須精簡。

但在這個網站裡,我反倒覺得是可以慢說、緩讀的。

所以我把最近兩篇在FB的文字,在這裡好好說一說。

Since opening the fan page of Orlando in May, a text is produced every week.

But because of the properties of FB, the text written in the FB must be streamlined.

But on this website, I think it can be read slowly, I combine the last two texts in FB and rewrite more
here.

 

「遺憾」是種複雜的情緒,它微妙地不只令人滯於憂傷,

它還是下一個起心動念的種子,不經意地埋藏在我們的潛意識中,

它可能在下一秒就化為行動,但也可能要到遙遠的未來某一世,

才發芽破土。

也許正是「遺憾」,牽動創造了一念萬劫的一切。

"Regret" is a complex emotion.

It is not only sadness but also the seed of the next motivation which subconsciously buried in our mind. It may turn into action in the next second or may also be going to a next life to sprout and grow.

Maybe it’s "regret” creating everything through all the lives.

 

人生,可能很難,沒有,遺憾...

In life, it may be difficult, to be without regret…

 

但是也

因為世界殘酷,所以我選擇溫柔以對;

因為生滅無常,所以我決定珍惜眼前;

因為害怕機會不再,所以我勇往直前;

因為不想留下遺憾,所以我坦誠真心。

But just because the world is cruel, I choose to be tender.

Because of the uncertain of birth and death, I decided to cherish the moment.

Because I am afraid that there is no more opportunity, I take courage to move forward.

Because I don't want to remain regrets, I confess with my true-heart.

 

不是因為我特別溫柔、珍惜、勇敢、坦誠。

Not because I am particularly tender, cherished, brave, and frank.

 

只是因為在我做潛意識工作的初期,

或許是宇宙覺得時機到了,我自然地開始可以在潛意識狀態下(例如靜定中、睡夢中)

知道自己與一些身旁人在過去世的關聯。

當我知道著過去與現在,在我生命裡的一些人事物是如何地變遷流轉,

我不忍再錯過、不想再遺憾。

Just because of in the early stage of my subconscious work, maybe the universe thought the time is up, in the subconscious state (ex. in the meditation or dream)

I naturally can be aware my relationship with some people around me in the past lives and what happened. When I know the process and relations between the past and the present, I can't bear to miss again, I want to regret no more.

 

日前我遭逢母親往生,此生與母親的種種,猶如一張嚴酷的考卷,交卷了。

她其實是個嚴重的身心病症患者,

在她身旁的我父親,生前無數次想自殺,

在她身旁的我,無數次覺得被炸碎散落在沉默的虛空,

但我也一直深知,她是宇宙送我的禮物。

從我有記憶開始,我就活在一個魔鬼訓練營,造就了今時的我,

可以對殘酷,回以溫柔。

My mother passed away recently. In this life with my mother, it's like a hard test paper handed over. She is a serious patient with physical and mental illness.

Beside her, my father wanted to suicide many times before he passed away.

Beside her, countless times I felt that I was shattered and scattered in the silent universe. But I have always been well aware that she is a gift from the universe.

From the time I had memories in my childhood I seemed to have living in a devil training camp, created me can be tender in facing of the cruel.

 

常有些個案學生形容,我把他們從地獄裡救了出來,(其實是過讚了)

也有人問過我,你是有多大的基礎,可以承載我們這麼多人的痛苦呢?

 

我通常淡淡笑著無語。

但內心深知,

那是因為我曾經活在地獄裡,而我母親就是那個獄卒,

所以我從小就在摸索、練習、發展如何自我療癒,

所以我從小就比一般人明白人心之中的糾結、扭曲、脆弱,

及其之間的演變與呈現。

所以,我形容,母親是我的逆緣菩薩。

因為她,我了解施苦者與受苦者,各自的問題,及解決之道。

Often some students describe that I saved them from hell (it was over-praising) or asked me how big is your foundation to bear the pain of so many people? I usually smile silently. But I recognize deeply that that's because I used to live in hell, and my mother was the jailer. So when I was a child, I had exploring, practicing, and developing how to self-heal. So I understand the tangles, distortions and fragility in the human heart, and the evolution and presentation of human’s mind. Therefore, I describe that my mother is my Bodhisattvas to make me confront adverse conditions. From my mother, I understand the suffering people and the people who give sufferings to others, and their problems and solutions.

 

她還在生時,我不公開說上述,因為不想讓人們詆毀她,

畢竟,一個沒法控制自己、一直折磨別人的人,其實比誰都苦吧。

我何忍傷害她?

這些年,當她所有身旁親友,因為受不了她而紛紛遠離她,

她的憤怒更為高張,

而唯一選擇留下的我,可以想見,得承受她巨大且無處發洩的憤怒。

我在屢屢被她炸碎的同時,想的是,

她會變成這樣,是因為她誤以為這個世界遺棄了她,

我該怎麼讓她知道,這世界對她,是有「愛」的?

我常常震驚也無奈於內心扭曲的她,

即使在愛之中,也感受不到自己是被愛的。

但我真心想做到這件事。

When she was still alive, I did not say the above in public. Because I don’t want people to smash her, after all, I can’t bear to hurt such a suffering person who can’t control herself.

In these years, when all the friends and relatives around her chose to leave her away because they didn’t want to stand her, her anger grew even higher, and I was the last one choosing to stay with her, at the same time I had to bear her scary anger. Every time when I was repeatedly broken off by her, I think that she became like this just because she mistakenly thought that the world abandoned her, how can I let her know the truth the world "love" her?  However I was often shocked and helpless with that her heart twisted, even in love, she still could not feel it.

But I really wanted to do it.

 

她在生時,我很少感受到她的愛。或許她已經沒有能力去愛人了。

她對人,幾乎只有理所當然地索取與控制。

(我印象裡,她自己也說,她不抱我的

三四歲時,我玩球,球滾到矮樹叢下,

我不敢鑽進去撿球,因為怕弄髒了衣服,

會換來一陣毒打,

我轉身望向她,

她冷冷地說,天助自助者。)

 

然而不可思議地,卻在她的靈識離開肉體後,

從治喪過程中、乃至一些「訊號」,我真實地感受到她對我的疼惜了。

 

此刻,突然,我想起,半年前的春節長假,我依往例,

哪兒都沒去,就是回到台南養老院的病床旁陪她,

她當時突然說,有你這樣對我,我感覺到我很幸福。 

那是一句猶如太陽打西邊出來的話。

 

如今,這份宇宙無敵艱難的考卷,我寫完了

When she was alive, I rarely felt her love. Maybe she had lost the ability to love others and she only requested and controlled people for granted. (In my impression, she also said that she didn’t embrace me...When I was three or four years old, I played the ball and the ball rolled under the bushes, I didn't dare to get into the ball because I was afraid of getting dirty, which would be blamed and I would be beaten by her, I remembered when I turned and looked at her to ask for help, she said coldly, Heaven helps the self-helper.)

 

But incredibly, after her spirituality left the body, in the days of mourning, from some "signals", I definitely felt her pity and love for me.

 

At the moment, suddenly, I remember that half a year ago, the Spring Festival holiday, I didn’t go anywhere, (so many years as so) and went back to the bed of the Tainan Nursing Home to accompany her in all the holidays. She suddenly said, because of you, I felt so happy in the world.

That is a sentence like the sun rise from the west.

 

Today, this super-difficult test paper from the universe, I finished up...

 

 

歲月匆匆,但願我們都能圓滿,彼此沒有遺憾。

方法呢?就是去做吧。

Time flies , wish all people can have no regrets.

What is the way? Just do it.

 

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